my blessed life...

work work work, often i feel like thats all i ever do...i say that as i sit here working for the 3rd time today (2nd time from home)  and i know often i seem to gripe about how "its all i ever do" but deep down i am so grateful!  i am grateful for the opportunity to work from home, at my leisure, with total control over how much or how little money i make!  often i sit here in my jammies, with a cup of tea and a snack...my christian music playing on pandora, my kids giggling themselves to sleep in the baby monitor...i mean seriously what more could i ask for! (other than of course, for the debts to be paid off and the knowing that i really am working JUST for the fun of it!)

but i know that time will come, i just need to be patient and appreciative of all the blessings that surround me day after day.  i know with enough hard work now, when my kids are still at an age when they wont really remember...my time will come to be a stay at home mom and i am grateful to know that it should happen during the years they will really need me around the most!

frank and i have been so blessed...we swore when we got married that daycare/regular babysitters were something we didnt feel comfortable with for our family-and by the grace of God our plan has worked out...we might both work, but everyday frank is here when the boys wake up and i am here to tuck them in at night and somewhere in the middle it all overlaps. 

it often feels like chaos because one of us is always coming and going, but really, what parents life isnt full of chaos??  and i know...the best is yet to come! "wait till one has football and the other soccor all at the same time, etc..." i hear it often!  but with every stage in life comes its own handful of experiences that we can learn and grow from and i have learned through my own life that God will never give me more than He knows i can handle...and i trust that, with great comfort!

so please just know, whenever you may catch me complaining that "all i ever do is work" know that i am saying that with more appreciation than irritation...the frustration is only on the surface because i know i have a choice...but the gratitude is as deep as my soul - my "desk job" was a bigger blessing than i ever would have known to pray for.  it has provided a whole new lifestyle with so many opportunities and given me yet one more reason to feel proud of my family and who we are becoming.

frank and i are such a good team.  he is certainly my soulmate and i couldnt imagine sharing in this wonderful life with anyone else.  God sure does know what He's doing!

and the best is yet to come...   :)

the 2nd dash...

to make a long story short - our pastor got into his reasoning for chosing to follow Christ when he did, verses any other religious leader out there...it was such a breathtaking, Gods hand in the works, kind of story that he opened our Easter Sunday sermon with, but the one line that stuck with me the most today was this...(forgive me that i will never be able to type it with the same power that he spoke it with...)

"when i was on my spiritual journey, searching for what fit for me there was one thing that stood out the most about Christ...the second dash...he has a birthdate, followed by a dash, followed by his death date and then a second dash..."

Jesus is the only one, out of all the other religious leaders to ever exsist that has an empty tomb.  He is the only one that was able to conquer death...even the tomb could not hold him...

As Pastor Chris said this morning..."its that second dash that gives us Hope"

and really, i had never thought about it that way before.  i can honestly say that growing up i believed in God and the story of Jesus, but it wasnt until about 8 years ago that i really accepted Christ into my life and called myself a Believer.  For the last 8 years i can honestly say that i understand what it means to have a relationship with God and its AMAZING!  what a difference it has made in who i am, how i view life, my marriage and the way i parent.

so today i celebrate my Lord and Savior and i want the world to know how eternally grateful i am for the life He has given me to live here on earth and even more so, i look forward to the days that will follow this life once i arrive in heaven.  I dont fear death because i believe in the one and only God that has proven there to be something better when our time here on earth is over

...the best is yet to come :)   (and on such a greater scale than you and i could ever understand!)

day off?!?!

a day off...what is it exactly that a working mother does with a day off?? 

well today for me...

~i was up by 730am to see Frank off to his mens breakfast with the church

~fed our 3 guys and had myself showered by 830am...

~by 900am the 3 of them were dressed and we were backing down the driveway on our way to party city - spiderman birthday party supplies were on the list!

~by 1030am, the van was gased and we were on our way out to meet Frank at our parents house for an easter egg hunt by 11am.

from there it was back to Nonna and Poppa's house for lunch, coloring eggs, digging up rocks in the lawn, cleaning up Cenzo after he fell in the mud...

by 330ish we were back in the van, where 2 out of my 3 took full opportunity for a nap, which in turn detoured me into the drive thru at my work - i needed a coffee...even if it was decaf!

from there i stopped home to grab bowls and forks and headed to Frank's work for a "picnic dinner with daddy" in the van!

back home by 530pm to bake Easter cutouts, give the boys a bath and get them to bed by 8pm after watching a bit of Cars and reading them a story.

a shower for me, a few minutes on the computer and i was back to the kitchen frosting pink tulips, blue eggs and chocolate bunnies!

somewhere in there i also managed to wash/dry 2 loads of laundry and get two other loads folded and put away.

needless to say, by the time frank got home around 11:15pm - i was more than ready for bed but told him my hope is that one day i will be able to not work at all and have the time everyday for the things that mean the most...my kids, my husband and my house - when there is balance there is pure happiness - someday ill find consistancy in them both!!

...the best is yet to come :)

FREEDOM!!

Today is truly an amazing day. Its Good Friday - i am eternally grateful to our Lord for the way he graciously gave his own life so that we could be free!


But today, this gorgeous sunshiney day, i am also grateful for a new freedom - freedom from credit card debt! Logging in to our bank account today and discovering that our tax return had finally arrived gave me such an overwhelming feeling of excitement. The ability to pay off our last credit card is something we have been looking forward to for over a year now.

Christmas 2008 our parents gave us a copy of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover...i read it and i was hooked. i wanted to know what this financial freedom was that he spoke of. Fortunately we had our tax return last year to give us a kick start at paying off our debt and by the end of Feb '09 we had paid off 5 of our 9 debts - a hospital bill, 2 student loans and 2 credit cards! it was so refreshing! we spent last summer spending smarter, although we had been trying to do the Dave program our own way - it didnt work...using the credit card at all, no matter when i planned on paying off what i had just spent - it just wasnt working. it really is true, you spend more money without thinking when you arent handing over your hard earned cash!

So for Valentine's Day this year, i attended the first of our 13 week Dave Ramsey class, instructed by our parents at their church and it has really been life changing! For the first time ever Frank and i sit down and do a monthly budget together. We talk about where our money is going and we have it spent on paper before it ever reaches our hands! It's amazing! We have learned so much in just these first few weeks about how to spend, save and give...we are depositing into our savings on a weekly basis for the first time in our lives. we are giving more to our church than we had ever imaginged possible and we actually have enough money every week for all of our life's expenses! There is no more money stress because we know full well that there is enough...but just incase, we even have our emergency fund set up incase we get hit with some sort of surprise that doesnt fit in the budget!

For the first time in my life i feel like a real grown up and for reasons so opposite of what i used to think it meant to be "grown up". I remember a time when i thought credit cards were a necessity and i had quite the collection of my own! I remember a time when i thought that savings accounts were a nice thought but not something practical for our life and now here i sit, almost ready to start learning about IRA's and mutual funds so that i can start saving my money with intensity!

I so look forward to being that couple, in our early 30's with a few little kids, our cars and mortgage paid off, college funds set up and saving and a good retirement plan underway. I only say this because i know it will happen and i look forward to the excitement i will be able to share with all of you when that day comes!

Today is a new day...and i know i started it off on the right foot!

we are blessed in millions of ways and forever grateful...

just for proof....i really did do it! 

and i will NEVER open another credit card ever again!!

 
and the best is yet to come :)

the most special bond...

Until you have had the pleasure of experiencing twins in action, its hard to understand the truth about the special kind of bond they really do share.  When i was pregnant with them people would tell me about stories they knew of special things twins did together, particularly identical twins...some of it was touching, but some of it went in one ear and out the other like it was no big deal, just a silly story.

well it is a big deal!  the relationship these to share is something of pure amazement.  they cannot go more than a few minutes being away from each other. they typically share better with each other than i have ever seen two toddlers share.  they speak for each other, they really do seem to share each others pain and emotions.  the love and concern they share for each other is unmeasureable!  if only we all had the opportunity to know what they feel for each other!  they are the true definition of brotherly love!!

and they proved that to me yet again when i went in to check on them last night...

i had to run downstairs to grab the camera!!

"Brothers may fight; but woe betides the one who dares to come between them!"

~ carl joseph vonnoh

matteo had fallen sound asleep on vincenzo's chest!

absolutely precious!! 

i'd be lying if i said there wasnt a tear in my eye when i saw this..these two are just amazing to me!  everyday i am more and more grateful that i was chosen to raise them in this world.  i look forward to being the one that gets to sit back and watch them grow into boys, young men, husbands and dads... it will be such an adventure to see how being twins plays into all the other aspects of their life!

oh...the best is yet to come :)

for the love...of Ladybugs!!

There are so many things that Nonna's and Poppa's are good for...to these 2 two year olds, its treats!!  These guys LOVE when Nonna stops by on her way home from work with treats!!  last week it was ladybug cookies.  today it was Timbits.

I know many of you have shared in the wonderfully annoying invasion of ladybugs at some point in the last several months.  and here in our house they have remained a pretty constant thing all winter, particularly in the twins bedroom!  several times a week we find ladybugs in their room, crawling on the wall, the window - occassionally chasing them around their room during naptime...its quite entertaining sometimes!

but i can tell you, the satisfaction on their faces when they were told they could eat Ladybug cookies...lets just say they felt victorious!  Teo and Cenzo finally felt as though they had defeated the ladybugs!  and strange enough, we havent seen any in their room since!  Karma maybe??

mr.serious matteo showing off his ladybug cookie face!

mr. goofball cenzo showing off his red and black tongue!

"there is no love sincerer than the love of food." -george bernard shaw

if there was ever one certain thing about these boys, they sure do live up to the italian stereotype of living for food!  my guys LOVE to eat.

lets see what tomorrow cooks up - the best is yet to come :)

is it God speaking or my own desire...

Lately i have been feeling so many different emotions, goals, attitudes and desires about life and its almost starting to become to chaotic in my head!  Ok-now that i made myself sound totally insane...

But have you ever sat back and wondered if the things weighing on your heart are there because God has put them there or because they are some of your own selfish desires.  Thats been a struggle for me lately, trying to find the balance and the answers. 

There has been a particular situation that i have been tossing back and forth in my head and it seems like everytime i near the end of my personal battle i hear the voice, you know, that Voice....and it keeps telling me "invite them to church" but the opportunity hasnt presented itself since i felt the confidence that its what im supposed to do.  or has it?  I've invited my brother and his girlfriend to join us for easter,  and one of them may actually be commiting. but that was an opportunity that was presented to me without prior meditation... so am i hearing the right answers but placing it on the wrong situations?  i have no idea.

life is so confusing sometimes.

you build relationships, sometimes they last forever, sometimes they hit a bump and break apart - when you're lucky they find their way back together - but that isnt always the case.  somestimes when they find their way back they feel so battered and bruised that it almost doesnt seem worth the effort, but how do you know?  God puts people in our lives for certain purposes.  We are all intended to leave our footprints somewhere, how do you know when enough is enough?  How do you know when its really worth saving?  How do you know whats true? 

I believe we feel it in our hearts...or we see it in a dream. someway, God shows us whats right.

we all know the people in our lives that we just couldnt live without, then there are the ones we would just prefer not to live without and there are even the ones that we grow up thinking it wont ever be a choice...sometimes we are faced with that choice and it is not an easy decision to make, be it friend or family, letting go is the hardest thing ever, especially if you feel pretty certain that this time it will be forever. 

I've faced that forever decision.  too much hurt, too much pain, too many precious hearts involved.  i've let go. but i've let go knowing that the door to my heart will never be locked, it will always just depend on how, when and if the one i've lost ever tries to return. 

I've also hit the bumps...some bigger than others.  and i will say, the bigger the bump the longer it takes to put the pieces back together. there are times when some of the pieces get lost, stuck in a ditch...but i can only pray that i find them all and find my way back.  to find the road of truth and heartfelt honesty is essential.  but its an uphill climb and its not an easy one. 

So i ask, God show me the way...the way of my life as you desire it to be.  I will trust in you now as i trusted in you then.  There was purpose in my finding my relationship with you Lord, there was something very true, very strong and very life-lasting...in time, i know you will show me what i need to see. amen.

stay tuned, the best is yet to come...  :)

I'm Only Human...

Do you ever have one of those days when you just can't shake the negative attitude?  No matter which direction you try to divert your thoughts, you still end up in some place thats lower than you prefer...like the world is ganging up on you, everything is falling on your plate at once and you just can't keep up?  Please say you know what i'm feeling!!

I'm having one of those days.

its been a long couple of weeks, i have been working A LOT!  im worn out, stretched thin, but the demands just wont stop.  the laundry is still building up, the toys still need to be put away, the kids still need dinner, baths, bedtime stories and plain old "mommy time", the husband still likes that i wait up for him at night - for nothing more than a glimpse of me as i walk up the stairs mumbling something like "i love you too, good night, im going to bed", the bills still need to get paid and somewhere in the midst of all that i try to catch half a second for myself. 

well the truth is, im tired...and today i want to let it all out...i want to cry, i want to scream, i want to be mad at someone, i want to quit my jobs and just give up.

But i wont - not because i cant (although thats part of the reason) but because i know it wont make a difference in the end.  all the demands will still be waiting for me when im done with my little hissy-fit - so why waste the time?

so i sit here working, when i'd rather be sleeping.  ill make my boys dinner, when i would rather make popcorn...ill cuddle them on the couch tonight and try my best not to fall asleep.  ill read them a story through my yawns and ill be sure to tell them with the most heartfelt sincerety that they truly are the biggest blessings in my life and that i love them more than life itself.  then ill sit back down at this desk and work a little more, as my only successful effort at staying awake until Frank gets home.  ill tell him i love him and i missed him and im tired - but maybe tonight can be the night that i enjoy a few minutes of his company...maybe tonight we can get lost in conversation - because it has been so long since we have talked about anything other than the daily grind.

i'm having a terrible, awful, very bad, no good kind of day - but i am blessed and deep down i love my life - there is nothing else i would rather do - so maybe tonight can be different.  maybe today after my boys wake from their nap i can put all other demands aside and just be their mom - so they can feel through my actions that i love them as much as my words tell them i do.

life is what you make of it and today i want it to be a good one.

someday soon i plan to take a quiet afternoon to myself, with God, to just listen to all the things i feel him calling me to do.  His "demands" have seemed the strongest lately, but the noise in my head is to loud to hear what he is really saying and my own interprations just arent working!!

God is good and with him life is amazing...the best is yet to come :)

the lashes of my life...

as much as it drives me insane that i still have to seperate the twins at nap time...i cant say that every aspect of it is all that bad.  i know at some point they are all going to be way to big to fall asleep in my lap and its that thought that helps me charish the moment.  its that thought that helps me let go of the irritation.

the sweet smell of their breath, the way their little limbs twitch while they are falling into a deep sleep and the way their bodies go completely limp in my arms when they reach that place of slumber that we could all only wish for in the middle of the day!  its precious...the trust they have in me and the love we share is something i hope will last a lifetime.

my precious matteo...

but dont worry...its not always this calm and peaceful in our house...this was only after Matteo peed all over the TV stand in the family room because i thought i could trust him without a diaper on for 2 minutes.  and then right after i laid matteo in his bed and got the cutest ever smile from Vincenzo...i had to go into tuscans room and yell at him for climbing on his dresser drawer and shredding the cover off one of his brand new books...i mean seriously - he is going to be 4...he sooooo knows better! 

so sometimes im fortunate enough to enjoy a few moments of peace while my babes are falling asleep, othertimes my blood pressure reached its max and someone gets yelled at and cries themselves to sleep! 

ahhh...its all in a days work!

the best is yet to come...  :)

its time...

i have been feeling so antsy lately, like i need to do something BIG!  and i have been trying...

~ i've highlighted my hair and decided to grow it out a bit - but that doesnt seem just right.

~ i've been working from home more, making more money to pour into our debts, that feels nice, but just isn't doing the trick.

~ frank and i are taking the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class, its changing our lives and we have never been so blessed and while its been an extreme and positive change it still isnt what im itching for right now!

~ i've started the spring cleaning - productive for sure, but still not what i'm craving.

~ i've started working out on a semi daily basis - love it, jillian michael's kicks my butt, but of course the results are not seen as fast as you can feel your muscles hurting

~ i completed a 35+ page scrapbooking project!  loved every second of that!!

But, im still left feeling discontent - other than truly believing that i am just ready for SPRING!!  i want to be outside.  i want to know that my final credit card is paid off so in the afternoons i can be outside playing with my boys, knowing i was able to get all my housework done while they were napping, because i wasnt stuck at my desk, slaving away to make more money!  i know that day is nearing - i can feel it right around the corner, but instead of the knowing bringing me peace, its making me more anxious!  i just want it NOW!!  enough with the cold weather, enough with the slippers and hot cups of tea...enough with the movie nights.

Lets go outside and blow bubbles and take a walk and get our shoes muddy!! Lets dig in the dirt and watch the spring flowers peek up out of the ground.  I want to rake the lawn and spread the mulch...i cant wait to plant our vegetable garden!! 

This spring is going to be a time of change for me. the start to a simpler life, taking the time to enjoy the most precious things - my boys...i want to know them better than i ever have, i want to play with them, to laugh with them. they are reaching that age that they will soon do things that they will remember for a lifetime.  some of my earliest memories were from when i was about 3 and i want to make sure that my boys have some pretty great ones of doing nothing more than simply enjoying our life!

Our door is open everyday to anyone who might be interested in joining us!  the more the merrier, always!

stay tuned...the best is yet to come!