some days...

some day are definitely better than others...i had a great day with the kids today, no major drama. cenzo cried for a while before bed but once everyone else was where they needed to be, he and i had some one on one time on the couch and he fell sound asleep in my arms. it was such an amazing feeling, having two babies at the same time, i havent really had many moments like that this time around and i definitely miss it! i try my best to spend at least 20 minutes everyday devoted to just one precious baby at a time, but it doesnt always work out. so when i have an opportunity like the one i had tonight i feel extra blessed!
but today was just one of those days...you know, we all have them..the kind of day when you start questioning the choices you have made in your life...my question this week has been whether or not we moved home from colorado for the right reasons. i dont know if i am just feeling "colorado homesick" because i know kellie is there this week and i so terribly miss her as it is...but i do know that frank and i decided to come home because we wanted to have a baby and we wanted to be able to share that time in our lives with our family. but over the last 3 years home we have realized that sometimes family isnt all its cracked up to be. everyone we left behind when we ventured out into the great unknown has obviously since moved on with their own lives and here we are, sometimes trying to figure out where we fit in. holidays are great because we get to see everyone, but other than that...lives are just to busy - and yes, we fall into that busy category too but in a different way. frank and i never get much time together, which in many ways makes us feel busy. we are both always trying to maintain life with our three kids, sort of as single parents...its not very often that we get to spend family time together so when we do its even harder to try and decide how to spend that time!!
but i think what has made me miss colorado so much lately is not only the time of year (spring in colorado was amazing) but the fact that our friends out there are all in the same place in life as we are, starting and raising their families. having three kids im sure most of u can imagine how it is just easier for us to spend time with other people that have kids...people with their own kids tend to have more patients spending time with someone elses and we feel like less of an inconvenience that way.
i guess what im getting at is that i just feel so lonely lately. its truly impossible for me to get out and do stuff with the boys all by myself at this point and being at home with them nearly 6 days a week and trying to keep up with the housework and trying to create dinners that tuscan not only likes but also fall into the category of being nutricious....it definitely catches up with me some days...and that turns into days like today, days when i get sad to hear about all the fun stuff people around me are doing, things i used to be able to do too...days when i feel so left out of my own life. dont get me wrong, i love being a mother more than anything in this whole world and i wouldnt trade it for anything...i just wish there were more people in my life that i could share the experience with.
i think i can honestly say that if colorado was half the distance away...we never would have left! they way i miss my "colorado family" is so comparable to the way i still miss my real family. does life ever slow down?? will anyone ever have time for a visit or to lend a helping hand, some true and quality time to just be? my prayer for everyone who reads this is that you find the time for "family" the way that a family should be...
god speed to all and many blessings for this memorial day weekend!
ps-thanks for letting me vent, i just need that sometimes!!