i just cant explain it...

please dont judge me or read into this to much, but i am having a horrible day and just need to vent in a way that no one will get mad, take it to personally or fight back.

i woke up today with great plans, prime the dinning room, paint the living room and then paint the dinning room after the kids go to bed...right, i think i should have ended that dream as soon as i put my feet on the bedroom floor! we did accomplish a lot, but not nearly enough and i am very angry about it for some reason.

the kids are all in bed, without a problem tonight...i should so be painting away at the livingroom walls right now, between me and frank we could have the living completed in two hours. it really wouldnt be a big deal, but i am so aggrivated with him tonight that i dont even want to try to pretend that i am having fun doing a house project with him. so that is just making me even more angry - i am in to bad a mood to paint and thats putting me in a worse mood because i am waisting time instead.

i think the real bad mood stems back to last night when my camera fell off the kitchen table and broke - again...i just got this camera in april because my last one fell off the kitchen counter at my parents and broke. this one wont turn on at all, canon wants either $150 for a refurbished upgraded model of the one i have or a minimum of $99 to try and fix it... what the @*&#!!!!!!!!!! i am so pissed..i only spent $100 on it the first time around, but now that its the upgraded model of this one, its another $50...i have to call them and see if there are any other options, because none of those are going to work for me...but i think the phone call should wait until im in a better mood.

anyway, we did get the last wall of the livingroom and going up the stairs primed today, so thats ready to paint and 3 walls of the dinning room are primed, two of which need one more coat (raw drywall, it needs a little extra love) so i think for sure i will meet my original goal date of nov 13th completion, but i was really hoping for oct 25th because mandy will be in town and i would have loved to show her a finished house!! she was here in july right before it all started, so it would have been exciting...but i need to be realistic.

oh, but back to the venting...do any of you ever have days when you wish you could pause your real life and live your dream life, even if only for a few minutes. im not even sure what my dream life would consist of because 98% of the time i love my life just the way it is. but sometimes there are days when enough is enough and i just want it to end. everything bugs me, nothing is going right and for what ever reason there only seems to be effort from others at making it worse.
my kids were great today, i cant recall a single moment when they actually got on my nerves. my husband on the other hand, i wish he would have been at work all day!! frank and i are so accustomed to not seeing each other often that sometimes when we spend a whole day together, its almost like we dont know how to communicate. i have such a set schedule with the kids, and he knows it, he's here twice a week to live it with me, but for whatever reason he thought he would just follow his own schedule today instead of the one they are used to....that is a set up for disaster in this house. then while he was trying to help me get stuff done, he did things that were not very smart...leaving pliers and hammers and screws on the floor, which the babies of course found and wanted to play with...and he wondered why i was so upset about it! to me pure laziness, if u want to help me dont be half assed about it...and the one that totally killed any chance of forgivenness tonight...matteo was overtired and being silly at bed time, so instead of taking the time to give him the undivided attention he was obviously craving, frank took the easy way out and put him in his bed with a bottle. that was it for me - we learned the hard way about bottles and babies at bed time with tuscan, it is not something we do in this house anymore and it made me so mad that he would deliberately do something that he knows i am not ok with, something that could totally ruin the bedtime routine i have set up with the kids to keep my life simpler and lower on the stress level. it was like a huge slap in the face to me, i have spent months getting to where we are today and he doesnt even care enough to spend 5 more minutes of his effort to keep everyones lives easier....aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im sorry, i totally understand if u have already stopped reading by this point. but i had to get it out - sadly, i dont think i feel any better!
tomorrows another day - but im not even looking forward to it - i wish i had to work!