much better day....

after a long talk with frank last night, we were both able to get a few things off our chest. i think he now has a better understanding of where im coming from when i have days like yesterday. and i think i have a little more patients for his - well him just being him. he said he doesnt understand why he hasnt figured out a routine for himself and the kids at home because he is so good at being organized and having things under control at work. so i think he understands and realized that its an area he needs to work on. and for the whole 2 hours that he was home today, i saw an improvement. i think yesterday was just one of those days when life got the best of us, weeks of barely seeing each other and lack of communitcation in those weeks just took a turn for the worse and we were lost with each other. we forgot how to interact together as a team and we were at each others throats all day.
it gets hard sometimes, really hard, because more often than not i live my life like a single mom would. i am 75% mom, 20% starbucks barista and 5% wife - i hate that thats my ratio but thats where life is at right now. frank and i maybe spend 10 hours a week together so when we have to spend a whole day together, we sometimes forget how!! he has his morning thing that he does with the kids (consistant or not) and i have my whole day...trying to mesh the two of them together while keeping everyone happy can sometimes be a challange - thats where we were at yesterday. but by the end of the night my blood pressure was back down into normal range and i was snuggled closely in franks arms when we went to bed - a good ending to a horrible day.

i never would have thought that being a "stay at home" mom would get so lonely, if it wasnt for my job 20 hours a week, i would lose my mind!! i love my kids more than anything but i would love them so much more if i actually had the time to enjoy them and someone around more often to share them with. parenting was meant for two people and it sure is hard when your the one doing it 12 hours a day by your self. frank is an amazing dad when he is around but his job doesnt allow for that very often and even though i know there is nothing we can do about it, its still hard. i know he would never chose for it to be this way, but i just miss him. days can go by without us having a real conversation about anything of importance. and certain things will come up that i sware i told him about, but in all honesty, i may not have because i just havent seen him. this life was easier when it was just us, no kids, and when i had more friends around me to spend my time with, but trying to find friends who want to venture out of the house with you and your 3 kids, not easy...i can barely find family who wants to participate in that one...so im here everyday, so grateful for those i do have to "hang out with" via the internet! you guys are my saviors some days and i want you to know how much i value our friendships. you help keep me grounded somedays and you remind me that im not alone in this venture of life!!
i have a lot of fun and exciting things coming up in the next few weeks, things that will help me feel like "shannon" again and not just mom...i love being mom, but i miss being shannon...so off i go to end my evening as mom with hopes of finding an hour before i passout to spend scrapbooking as shannon! love to all and many thanks to all of you who let me vent so openly - i really need to get frank on the internet more often so he also has more insight as to what goes through my mind on a daily basis!!