i can not believe that i am already leaving the first trimester of this pregnancy behind me! its such a bittersweet feeling. in so many ways (all the ways i havent been feeling well) i am so grateful and knowing what the future has in store for me and my growing baby makes me excited to be entering the next step! i am becoming very anxious to start feeling some real movements, to lay in bed at night and see my belly bouncing around, to have the boys tell you stories so their voices are familiar to you when you finally join us on this side! but it also saddens me because i know i am saying goodbye to the first step of something i love so dearly. sick or not, i LOVE being pregnant! it is such a wonderful feeling - its not everyday you are blessed enough to have a miracle actually growing inside of you, and for that very reason, i try very hard everyday to savor at least one moment alone with you baby. for i know that our personal, one on one time together is going to pass by all too quickly and that soon enough i will be sharing you with everyone around us! i know, selfish...but what can i say, right now you really are all mine!
they say that right now you are about the size of a lime...its amazing to me how much you have grown in such a sort time! you kidneys have started to function, as well as your pancreas and liver. your brain has obtained its basic structure and will continue to grow and develop. and your tiny little body is nearly covered in fine baby fuzz (they say it should be transparent, but that hasnt been the case with any of your brothers, so we'll see if it holds true for you or not!)
i have been having equally good and bad days, which i guess is a good thing. but even on the good days, the exhaustion sets in pretty heavily. my mood swings still have some out of control moments, moments that leave me disappointed in myself - i try not to be to hard on myself, i know that hormones and lack of sleep have a lot to do with who i am much of the time. but there are nights after your brothers go to bed that i sit back and reflect on the last 45 mniutes of the day and im not always proud of the way it ended. i am grateful to be forgiven and to be given the chance to try for a better tomorrow, but it isnt always that easy! and with the hormones being an issue, sometimes i just want to cry! one of my biggest wishes is that you and your brothers all grow up and remember me as being the best mom i could be. i love you all from the depths of my soul and all i want is the best for each of you. you are my angels, entrusted to me from God, a blessing that not everyone is given in their lifetime and i never want to let a day go by where i may have taken that for granted. you are my life, my everything and for you i just want to be my best!
baby, i love you and your brothers with all my heart, forever and always....
millions,
~ mommy
my baby bump sure is growing!!
waist = 35 inches
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