saturday=the worst day of my week...

most people spend their whole week looking forward to their weekend...not me! i think i have finally decided that saturday is the worst day of my week. by saturday i havent had a chance to be a "family" or spend time with frank in 4 days (since tuesday). friday nights he is supposed to get out of work early, but it never happens, unless you think 930-945pm is early, when he left the house at 1030am... usually i work on saturday morning, but to my surprise, i had today off. i can honestly say i wish i would have had to work because working at least gives me a jumpstart to the rest of my day. i may start to tucker out mid afternoon, but at least during the early half of the day i have the energy and ambition to feel accomplished. on my day off, nothing. i have no energy all day, i want to just sleep the day away.
man, i am so out of it today i feel like i am doing nothing but rambling...so for that im sorry.

i feel like i have been phasing in and out of these horrible funks lately and its sort of scaring me that they seem to be coming more and more frequently lately. i have these days when i feel so lonely and in many ways i am but in so many other ways feel horribly guilty even thinking it. i am surrounded all day by 3 little boys that love me no matter what i look like, although tuscan has expressed he prefers me with "pretty" on my eyes! but the love between a mother and child is so unconditional and i am so grateful everyday for my boys. but i feel bad for them when i get into these funks because i feel like my mood and attitude takes a toll on them. if i feel bad inside then im usually not the nicest on the outside. i try to pay attention to it and take a deep breath before anything comes out of my mouth...blah blah blah...

there have been so many times today when i have felt overwhelming sadness/lonesomeness...and then i look at my boys, or tuscan says something totally adorable like "love u too mama" or matteo crawls over just to hug me or cenzo is blowing me giant kisses and i remember i am so blessed. i may not have a lot of friends that i get to see frequently and my extended family (other than my parents) may not be around that often, but i have 3 little boys who love nothing more than spending a day with me, even if it is just another day couped up in the house in our lazy clothes...i know someday it will all be different and there might come a time when once in a while i miss the simplicity of our current life. but i do truly look forward to taking all the boys places, places as simple as target...i hope that time will be here by the end of winter. right now its just so much work to try and take them all somewhere by myself - i just dont have the energy for it or the time management to try and work it all around 3 naptime/bedtime schedules. i also look forward to the time when it is easier to ask for a babysitter and easier emotionally to leave them for something selfish like a night out with frank. that is something that he and i need to do more than just once or twice a year! i want to be a wife, not just a mom...by being a wife i am reminded of who SHANNON is and when i take a moment to rediscover who i am it makes me a better person over all.

i know that overall im a good mom, people tell me that all the time, my kids tell me that by how wonderful they are, how well behaved and loving, caring and sensitve. but i know i could be a better mom day to day on a smaller scale if i could only find the time to "get caught up" mentally, emotionally, spritually and even just around the house. but that would take a miracle...or a week with no kids, no job - just time...(and now i feel like i sound like my dad!) this is my life and as a whole i love it...i am in tears as i type...i have all the big things i could have ever dreamed of, the house, the cars, i love my job, my kids are amazing and my husband is so good to me...my life is near perfect, i just feel like im missing a lot of the small stuff...lunch with friends, taking the dog for a walk, quiet time with the kids and conversation with my husband, all these things that seem so simple, that in the past i have completely taken for granted and now desire more than ever.

anyway - my sad saturday is nearing an end, well as a mom anyway - its jammie time and hopefully everyone will sit for a book, time to build a train track and dry some tears...some just got hit with the train! aaahhhhhhhhhhh

speechless and in shock...

thats how i was feeling about 5 minutes after tuscan got up from his nap today. and surprisingly it was for a very good reason!! he had been a complete monster about taking a nap today, he was in his room for a good hour before he finally went to sleep, i had gone up there 3 times and tucked him back in with the "i dont want to hear you up again" speech...each time he responded with "yeah mom" in his sweet little voice. about an hour after the last time i went up there i once again heard the little knocking on his door so i went upstairs and we agreed that he had taken a long enough nap. a few minutes later, he comes walking over to me at my desk and pulls his pants down to show me that he had a pull up on...he went down for a nap with a diaper on and i had not yet changed him. so i asked him "tuscan, did you put that on yourself?" (it was on backwards) and he said "yeah mom..." "well where is your diaper?" he pointed up the stairs, so we went up there and i asked him again where his diaper was and he opened his closet. low and behold, the pull-up on his butt had been replaced in the drawer in his closet by the diaper he had already peed in. tooo funny that kid!! and he was so proud of himself that he had done it all.

i have been told many times that when they are ready they will let you know, i think he is starting to let me know!! i love that kid, he just cracks me up!

the twins were a ton of fun tonight too. they are slowly becoming very good eaters but they also know what they do and dont like...they are a ton of fun about 30 mins before bottle time, crawling all over me, giving me kisses, laughing with each other, chasing tuscan around the house. cenzo is trying so hard everyday to walk.

poor frank was in even more pain today...his foot was much more swollen than it has been all week. it sort of scares me because it looks like it could literally explode! so hopefully the doctor on monday will have some answers for us. keep sending the prayers our way and i will be sure to keep everyone posted.

and just to make it known, to hold myself a little more accountable, i am setting a goal for a 5 year plan...in 5 years i want to have eliminated all of our debt, other than our house payment and regular monthly bills (utilities, etc) but that means no more car payments, no more student loans, no more credit card balances and no more balances for work on the house. the majority of our debt is obviously our car payments, both of which should be paid off in about 3 years. there are quite a few small debts that can be paid off with our tax return this year and if the talk about another stimulus check is true we can probably pay off the construction that has been done thus far. leaving us with one student loan, 2 car payments and one major credit card. not bad for a young couple with 3 kids!! so we'll see if life actually wants to take the path i have in mind, because for once it would really be nice! i guess say a little prayer once in a while for that one too!!

big brothers and bad veins...

tuscan had his 2 1/2 year dr. appt today and i am happy to report he is in wonderful health and right on track with where he should be. he weighed 34lbs and is exactly 3ft tall! he only needed one shot (hep. b) and took it like a champ...without tears!! and he walked out of the office a very happy boy with 4 stickers and a new book.

frank also went to the doctor this morning because yesterday he woke up with this painful weird "blood" spot on the arch side of his foot. frank has always had bad veins in his legs, they are very large and bulge out more than they should. he had surgery the year we moved home to try and correct the problem, but his blood ended up just widening the other veins and the problem was about the same after surgery. the dr's have told him he has thick blood and should consider donating, but with all of our free time and his ideal work schedule (major sarcasm on all that) he hasnt been able to get that into part of his routine yet. so the spot on his foot is a collection of blood that is trying to escape. he is on an antibiotic for a few days and has to go back to the dr. monday to discuss another surgery option. so please keep him in your prayers that it can be another simple fix, but this time with more lasting effects. i feel so bad for him because not only do his veins cause him pain sometimes, but he is also very self conscious of what his legs and feet look like. he works so hard at all that he does, and being on his feet all the time doesnt help his situation, so i just pray for him that we can get this taken care of!

and for the big brotherness of the day...matteo has another new tooth, which makes a total of two more than vincenzo! since the day they were born the only thing matteo has ever had on vincenzo is 5 minutes. vincenzo was bigger at birth and no matter how hard teo tries, cenzo is always bigger at the dr. appts. vincenzo also always seems to be doing everything a few days before matteo, whether it was rolling over, standing up, getting teeth and now walking...until this week!! matteo now has 4 top teeth and 4 bottom teeth, while cenz has 4 top teeth and 2 bottom teeth...we'll see how long it lasts.

another day, half way through...one ready for a nap and the other two are playing. hopefully ill be able to get a few more things organized today because yesterday wasnt as productive as i planned, but was definitely more of what i needed!

exactly what we needed....

thats what today was. i worked this morning but was out by 930, ran to target for a few things and stopped at kohl's, where i found the cutest and most perfect gift for the newest future member of the conorozzo family!! i'll be happy to share what it is as soon as i know dave and enna have received it, cant blow the surprise!! and then i was home, for an amazing day with my family.

i was able to get a few small things done this morning that i had been thinking about for the last few weeks. my project around the house has been eliminating excess clutter and slowly but surely it seems to be working itself out. little by little i am finally finding better ways to organize things.

after that it was off for a nap, for everyone!! frank and i included (i had laid down about 35 mins before the kids went down)...an afternoon nap is something he and i have not been able to enjoy in years, i think since well before there were ever kids. but thankfully we were able to get everyone down at the same time today and i was pleasantly surprised to roll over and see that frank was cuddling up next to me. we got probably close to two hours of much needed sleep to before cenzo decided to wake up and then we were able to spend some fun snuggle time in our bed with him. he was so cute, looking around our room, taking it all in - making it very clear to us that he certainly doesnt get to spend much time in there!

we enjoyed a delicious dinner together, cleaned up the kitchen as a family and played a game of memory with tuscan while the twins played legos at our feet. then it was off to the tub...3 clean babies later, the twins drank their bottles (1/4 formula, 3/4 whole milk!) and headed to bed so that frank and i could end the night with tuscan and a family game of mario cart. me and tuscan were a team against frank, who beat us the first round, but we beat the second round!! tons of fun, lots of laughs.

now im just gonna get a few things together for tomorrow and curl up on the couch with frank to watch the rest of the movie we started the other day...i wish life could always be this good, nothing compares to actually being a family!! i told frank he should talk to his boss about opening a breakfast place, i think i could handle being a stay at home mom if i was able to have dinner and a family routine in the afternoon! it really was amazing!

stuffy noses, stinky diapers and sneaking popcorn!

thats the best way to sum up today...

the twins are getting new teeth, again...they started the day having a hard time pooping, but then had prune juice with their lunch and whole milk in their naptime bottles...so that situation was quickly reversed, thank God!??
and tonight while i was playing mario cart on gamecube with tuscan, cenzo was caught sneaking popcorn off the christmas tree!! he is such a little chunk! apparently it didnt taste very good though because once i said something to him he was quick to start spitting it out...silly boy!

and yes, i did say playing mario cart with tuscan. this weekend he decided that video games were a ton of fun, so we play as a team...i'm the driver and he is the guy on the back seat who throws the banana peels and turtle shells at the people behind us!! and he does really good, its so cute. he gets super excited when we win and even more excited when we get a new box and he has something to throw! what can i say, he is his fathers son! on a more intelligent note, we did end our night with the tv off and a game a memory spread out on the livingroom floor. we currently have our own set of directions for playing, until he gets a better understanding of the game. but its super fun. i love seeing his face light up when he realizes he can make a match and he is getting really good about remembering where certain cards are so he can match them up when he finds the second one. (mandy how nice to know, when you are here in july, we might actually be able to sit some of the kids down to play a game for a few minutes!! - a sigh of relief!!)

i think i can actually say i got a lot done today, or at least in the early part of my day...right now i feel like the house is trashed, but on days i work, by about 4pm i am feeling done for the day, so thats where the housework ends and the mom/kid time is beginning. i am happy to report that recently i have spent much more time playing with my kids and less worrying about my house (well i still worry, but i dont do as much about it) this past year has flown by and i feel like i wasnt even here to live it because i was always feeling to busy...so sometimes the house can wait because the kids never will. but i did get the christmas letters mailed and the christmas dinnerware (paper plates, etc...) purchased for christmas day, 3 loads of laundry put away and i had a inspirational/comforting and reassuring conversation with kelly about breastfeeding/pumping struggles. it is nice to be able to share my baby experiences with someone else finally! i learned so much these last 2 years (3 babies) and its nice to be able to offer the info to someone else who might be able to use it!

our weekend was nice. we went to our parents right from church yesterday and made cookies all day. beth and i got a lot done. i have a double batch of cutouts to frost, but they have to wait till the weekend so i dont eat them all before christmas! (they are my weakness) and i might make oatmeal raisin so the babies have something "healthier" to eat...but we'll see, im starting to run out of time.

and with that, i am off to bed - another 420am wake up and out the door in the morning, followed by a trip to target and a run into kohls...and then home for a day with my boys!!

God Bless the season...

wordle of the week...

i loved my wordle today because it picked up on all 3 of the boys names...and the word diapers...just to appropriate for me!

steps and answers...

today was a big day in our house!! vincenzo took his first 3 steps!!! yeah cenzo! and frank and i were actually both home to witness it....it was so cute and cenzo was so proud of himself! after he landed on his butt we all started clapping for him and then he and matteo were clapping for him too! my little boys are starting to grow up so fast - they have been blowing kisses and waving so well lately, when we feed cenzo he says "ah-yummm" as the spoon is going into his mouth. matteo has a new tooth on the bottom (the first thing he has ever done before cenzo other than be born!) they have been crawling over to hug and kiss us and each other lately. they are just amazing! i love them so much and i am amazed everyday at the bond the two of them share...

we also finally got answers wednesday as to why the babies have had such horrible diaper rash the last two weeks... when frank took them to the doctor he asked about it and the doctor wondered if we had recently started using different diapers....and we had. the twins got a package of target diapers for their birthday (we only ever use huggies or pampers) and the diapers apparently caused the terrible breakout that we had unsuccessfully been trying to treat. so we have since stopped using the diapers, we have been treating it with hydrocortizone several times a day, and just two days later they already look so much better! my poor boys...

so as nice as the idea of using less expensive diapers may seem, they unfortunately dont work well for my boys - so until they are wearing undies i guess huggies and pampers will always be the choice around here!

(note to other moms - if you have never tried target diapers, you may want to avoid them, i have since heard from several other moms this week that they have had the same experience after trying those diapers! weird i know, but really not worth it!) they also arent very absorbant, in comparison, so i guess for me its just worth the few extra cents per diaper... but anyway

its been a long week, and its not over yet - im heading to bed very early tonight so that maybe tomorrow i will have enough energy to finish my christmas letter!

cutout cookie day!

i made a double batch of dough on monday in hopes that at some point this week i would find the time to roll it out and cut it up, preferrably with tuscan - he loves making cookies! and today was the perfect opportunity.

the twins had their one year dr. appt today and frank took them so i could stay home with tuscan and get a few things done - laundry, scrub the carpet and start the cookies...and we did all of that and even made lunch! but only because the dr. appt took longer than expected! but all in all, the boys are in good health, they have been given the clear to start drinking whole milk - which we will only offer in a sippy cup, in hopes that by the time our formula supply is gone, so will be the baby bottles and midnight feedings! vincenzo weighs 21lb 9oz, matteo weighs 21lb 4oz but they are both 30 1/4 inches long. they got 4 shots each today, one being their flu shot and as a result, neither one of them is feeling so good.

but on a happy note, tuscan and i did get the cutouts cut and baked and my mom came over tonight to help us frost them!! it was so much fun...tuscan truly loves when "ma woo" comes over and i love just the simple fact of having my mom around again! so not only was she here to help us decorate the tree but now she has also helped in step 2 of holiday tradition!! she said she doesnt think she has frosted a cutout in over 10 years!! and as a result, she had a lot of pent up creativity to deal with!

cenzo was drooling in anticipation...

while matteo waited patiently!

it was a pretty good night, now i just have to pray that my little boys will fall asleep soundly and stay that way for a while, vincenzo has been pretty restless thus far...poor baby...

meeting baby riley!!

so today was the big day...frank and the kids and i packed up early this morning and headed up to syracuse for the day for the long awaited moment of meeting the newest addition to the rutherford family, baby riley! frank made an amazing lasagna and i put together a plate of cookies...being slightly experienced in the whole "new baby" thing, we sort of have an inkling as to what new parents really appreciate!! and because no one knew whether riley was going to be a girl or a boy, i had gone out shopping the day after she was born and bought a few (just a few) outfits...and her 1st christmas present - her very 1st cabbage patch doll!! considering the fact that kelly and i have known each other since kindergarten, it seemed only appropriate that i get her baby girl a toy from our generation, and this year is the 25th anniversary of cabbage patch!

this is what i would look like as the mom of 4!! my boys loved her, so maybe someday we'll get lucky and be blessed with a little girl to add to the mix!

cenzo couldnt get enough of her...he kept crawling over to me while i was holding her and petting her hair and kissing her on the head, he was overly concerned when she was crying during her diaper changes, he had to peek over kelly's shoulder to make sure the baby was ok!...it was the cutest thing!! but also crazy for me to think that tuscan was only 5 months older than they are right now when i brough matteo and vincenzo home! i dont know how i did it!

matteo enjoyed having someone else to play with him, there were a few times today that he got aunt kelly to "walk" with him and he had the biggest grin on his face everytime.

tuscan was the cutest about the whole thing though. in the car on the way there he kept reminding us that we had to be quiet because the baby was going to be sleeping. then when we got there he was all interested in her swing and wanted her to be in it. he also had a moment of regression and decided to relax in the popysan seat (kelly is borrowing ours, so i guess it looked familiar to him!) but that was only after kicking back on the couch with a bag of wavy lays and a movie! he is such a boy...

it was an awesome day though, it just felt so natural to unload my van full of family into kelly's house, just a week after her baby was born and spend the day with them. kelly and i have been through so much over the years and in the end we always land right where we started - thats what true friendship is all about. i am so grateful to have her in my life and so happy to be able to share in this special time with her. i love you kel, and i am so proud of you!! riley is beautiful and i know you are going to be an amazing mom, i can already see it!! congrats to you and kennie...and may god bless you in everyway!

my wordle of the week....

i think i want to try and remember to do this every monday, just to sum up in a few words all of the previous weeks events...we'll see if i actually do, but enjoy it when i do remember!!

if u click on the picture it will make it bigger and easier for you to read!