18 weeks...the beginning of a new year!

im sorry to say that the week of christmas was just so busy, it flew by so quickly, that i just never gathered my thoughts together long enough to journal the week!  so here i am, one week later...filling in the gap with words that you have otherwise filled in with growth!  im starting to get comments like "wow, you have really popped this week!"  and im getting down to the nitty gritty in the work clothes selection!  the holiday eating i think helped us both put on a few extra pounds, although i wasnt nearly as bad this christmas as i was when i was pregnant with your brother tuscan. for both of you, the second trimester has run right through the holidays!

im so many ways i am feeling sooooo much better....but in other ways i feel worse.  my joints have been very achy recently, making it that much more difficult to get up and about!  and the heartburn is setting in more frequently, which im assuming is a good sign that you will make your grand appearance with as much hair on your head (and elsewhere) as your 3 brothers did.  you should know, they were the only babies in the nursery at the times of their births that had eyebrows already!!

you are currently being estimated at nearly 6 inches and about 6 or 7 ounces.  in terms your brothers can understand, you are about the size of a bell pepper! it seems so crazy to think that you could possibly be that big already!  thankfully i dont feel on the outside that you could be that big on the inside, so between the two of us, we must be doing something right!!  your ears have apparently moved into their proper place and your arms and legs have certainly gained mobility with their increased growth as well.  you are quite the busy body little baby and if this is any indication as to who you will be on the outside, i may be in for a big surprise!

next week is a big week for us, i just may have a chance to see your beautiful face (no matter how silly and disformed the screen may make you look) and i cant wait!  it will just solidify our relationship that much more and make your presence more real to all of us!  so stay tuned...the best is getting better!!

millions,
   ~ mommy

waist = 36 inches

16 weeks...and the moments are "kicking" by!!

Baby, this week i want to say thank you...thank you for the early Christmas present you have blessed me with!  feeling you moving inside me this week has been so amazing!  it has made your presence seem even more real and it has given me a sense of peace.  feeling you move tells me that you are doing ok in there!  that you are still with me.  and that is all i can ask for at this point!

we have scheduled our sonogram for January 5th, the same day as our next doctors appointment.  and i must say, knowing that we will be keeping your identity a secret until your birth is causing me to have mixed feelings about seeing you in black and white (or brown and orange, as it may be)  don't get me wrong, i am more than thrilled about the chance to see you moving, to see your little heart beating, maybe catch you sucking your thumb.  i am so excited to have a chance to share you in that way, with you daddy and Nonna and even your brothers.  but i know there will be a part of me that is just dying to know more about you, the part about you that tells me so much more than how many fingers and toes you have.  its going to be tough, but i know in my heart we are making the right decision. 

God placed you in my womb in his time and only he knows best about whether you shall be a boy or a girl.  i am trusting in his plan and trying my best to put all faith and belief in whatever it is he has planned for our future!  but know baby, no matter who you may be, boy or girl, i will love you just the same.  no matter what you are a piece that completes our family puzzle.  i will love you and be proud of you everyday of your life. i will protect you and raise you to the best of my ability. and most importantly i will teach you to love our Lord, because with him in your life, all things are possible!

this week you have apparently grown to the size of a light bulb...or to keep it in food terms, an avocado!  you are becoming a bit more proportionate, your eyes are closer to their permanent position, as well as your tiny little ears!  they even say at this point you may start reacting to voices around you...so all three of your brothers have been talking to you the last few days, introducing themselves so you can become accustomed to each of their voices!  they are so excited to meet you baby!!  already they are sharing their blankies (Nie-Nie's) with you.  i cant wait to see them in action when you are here in our arms.  they already talk about taking such good care of you!

hold on tight baby...the next few weeks may be a little rough on us, but i promise i will try to rest as much as possible.  try to keep my not feeling well (like last night) down to a minimum!!  thanks!

love you millions,

  ~ mommy

                                                                    waist =  36 inches 



15 weeks - things arent always as they seem...

well, i hate to admit this, but yes i missed a week!  in the midst of our seasons first tremendous snowfall (4 feet in 36 hours) my mind was just a bit to snowy to sit down and create a memorable blog posting!  so here i am, writing to say that things are not always as they seem.  and i mean that in more ways than one. 

first off, we had a doctors appointment today.  although the calendars and calculators say that your birthdate should be somewhere around june 1st, in actuality you are measuring one week smaller than that, so we are now looking closer to somewhere around june 6th.  instead of being 15 weeks along, the doctors think we might just be at 14 weeks...but who's counting right, you will be in my arms when you feel good and ready! and the only one who truly knows when your birthdate will be is God.  he created you in his time and he will bring you into this world in his time.  and trust me, i find much comfort in that.  its always reassuring to know that someone out there knows more about your own life than you do!

i also want you to know baby, that life is not always what it seems.  as you are growing up i want you to know that i will do everything in my power to protect you, both physically and emotionally. i will try my hardest to teach you the differences between right and wrong, the good and the bad, when to trust and how to follow your heart and your own gut instincts.  i want you to know to never settle for anything but the best, but you need to know that the best is what you feel, not what someone else may label for you.  i want to teach you how to grow up to be a strong, whole hearted, yet free spirited individual...someone who thinks for themselves, who doesnt follow in the footsteps of those around you. to lead your own life and be in complete control of who you are!  be brave baby and dont let anyone or anything get in your way.  you are  a child of God and know that he has had a great plan for you from the moment you were conceived.  never doubt yourself and most importantly, never be afraid to come to me, for anything.  i will always be here for you, no matter how hard it may seem to find the right words, be honest.  i will never judge you, i will never put you down...i will always try my hardest to be the best, most supportive mom you could ever ask for. i want to be the kind of mom that you are proud to introduce to your friends, i want you to be proud to call me Mom!  i love you baby!

today was our 3rd dr's appointment.  your heart was beating at a strong 158 beats per minute.  i have gained 2lbs in the last 4 weeks, which puts us at a whopping -1lb weight gain!  but dont worry, christmas cookie baking started this week, so chances are we will have put on a few extra pounds before our next appointment!  according to the statistics, you are about the size of an apple now...weighing roughly 2.5 ounces, about 4 inches in length.  you are practicing your breathing movements, helping your lungs develop.  and although your eye lids are still fused shut, they say you can sense light now, if it is shined on my belly...sounds like a fun game for your brothers maybe, once i can start feeling your movements a little more regularly - they can shine the light on my belly and you can kick them back!!  they have been asking about you a lot lately. matteo and vincenzo have both asked this week if you are ready to come out yet!  they are getting anxious, which is cute. that means the next 22+ weeks will be just as tough for them as it will be for me!  but they all also agree that we should wait until you are here with us to know whether they will have a brother or a sister!  and know too, that i am also very excited about the idea of you being a big surprise!  it will be a first for me and so fitting, as you are the piece that completes our family puzzle!

rest well baby, the next few weeks will be sort of exhausting for us as we head full force into the christmas season.  but know that it is all for good reason...celebrating jesus is such a wonderful thing!  we will have plenty of time to get "caught up" in our relaxation once the new year heads our way.  Christmas only comes once a year (even if for our family, it lasts 3 weeks!)  so we have to make the very best of every moment!

i love you baby,

millions,

  ~mommy

                                                 the pic will hopefully be posted tomorrow!

waist = 35 inches

weight = 132lbs

13 weeks... of pure thankfulness

ironicly i have hit the 13 week "safety" zone the same week as Thanksgiving!  crazy the things that will happen when you make that choice to leave life in the hands of God!!  and as im sure you can guess, i have millions of things to be thankful for this year...many of which come in fairly small packages.

    first and formorest i am thankful for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and for God our Father who have together made the life that i am living possible.  in so many ways, both big and small, my life would be nothing if it wasnt for the faith and belief i have and the relationship that i have developed with our Creator. 

    Secondly is your Nonna and Poppa, they have in so many ways guided your dad and i into this wonderful life we are living. they have taught us so many important things, from traditions, to patience and the pure essence of love and family!

    then there is your dad, life hasnt always been an easy road for us, but with love, determination and God by our sides we have made it through all of lifes fires and we are better people for it now that we are safely on the other side!  i know i am not always the easiest person to live with, and im sure as you are growing up there will be days when you completely agree, but your dad puts up with my 'craziness' with such love!  he certainly is my match made in heaven and with him we have been blessed by the gifts of you and your 3 brothers!

     and oh, your 3 brothers....where to even begin with them!  right now, they are my life...they make me laugh, cry, they make me angrier and happier in ways i would have never imagined!  tuscan so often forgets that he is one of the kids and not the 3rd parent.  matteo is so moody sometimes that we cant help but to call him "mini poppa" and vincenzo is such a sensitive little lover...three boys knitted together with the same blend of DNA and have all turned out to be such complete individuals.  it only makes me that much more anxious to meet you, my dear little one, to see who you will be and what your personality and interests will be!

and that brings me to you...making it safely to the 13 week mark is usually considered a good sign, a sign that you and i are both in this for the long haul.  in the past week you have developed fingerprints - a sure sign of your own individual identity!  you are nearly 3 inches long, about the size of a medium shrimp - the kind that are just too big for me to eat! and your little body is starting to catch up with the size of your head, making you look a bit more proportionate!  you have developed the ability to taste and smell, although im sure it will still be a while before you are using either of those senses!  but dont worry, i will try my best to eat the yummiest foods just incase you can taste whats being fed to you now!

i love you baby and i am so glad we are taking this journey together!

millions,

  ~ mommy

not the greatest of our pictures, but you get the point!

waist =  36 inches (we've grown an inch this week!)

 

12 weeks...one giant milestone behind us

i can not believe that i am already leaving the first trimester of this pregnancy behind me!  its such a bittersweet feeling.  in so many ways (all the ways i havent been feeling well) i am so grateful and knowing what the future has in store for me and my growing baby makes me excited to be entering the next step!  i am becoming very anxious to start feeling some real movements, to lay in bed at night and see my belly bouncing around, to have the boys tell you stories so their voices are familiar to you when you finally join us on this side!  but it also saddens me because i know i am saying goodbye to the first step of something i love so dearly.  sick or not, i LOVE being pregnant!  it is such a wonderful feeling - its not everyday you are blessed enough to have a miracle actually growing inside of you, and for that very reason, i try very hard everyday to savor at least one moment alone with you baby.  for i know that our personal, one on one time together is going to pass by all too quickly and that soon enough i will be sharing you with everyone around us!  i know, selfish...but what can i say, right now you really are all mine!

they say that right now you are about the size of a lime...its amazing to me how much you have grown in such a sort time!  you kidneys have started to function, as well as your pancreas and liver.  your brain has obtained its basic structure and will continue to grow and develop.  and your tiny little body is nearly covered in fine baby fuzz (they say it should be transparent, but that hasnt been the case with any of your brothers, so we'll see if it holds true for you or not!)

i have been having equally good and bad days, which i guess is a good thing.  but even on the good days, the exhaustion sets in pretty heavily.  my mood swings still have some out of control moments, moments that leave me disappointed in myself - i try not to be to hard on myself, i know that hormones and lack of sleep have a lot to do with who i am much of the time.  but there are nights after your brothers go to bed that i sit back and reflect on the last 45 mniutes of the day and im not always proud of the way it ended.  i am grateful to be forgiven and to be given the chance to try for a better tomorrow, but it isnt always that easy!  and with the hormones being an issue, sometimes i just want to cry!  one of my biggest wishes is that you and your brothers all grow up and remember me as being the best mom i could be.  i love you all from the depths of my soul and all i want is the best for each of you.  you are my angels, entrusted to me from God, a blessing that not everyone is given in their lifetime and i never want to let a day go by where i may have taken that for granted.  you are my life, my everything and for you i just want to be my best!

baby, i love you and your brothers with all my heart, forever and always....

millions,

  ~ mommy

my baby bump sure is growing!!

waist = 35 inches

11 weeks...a beautiful sound!

well, we had our second doctors appointment today and it was a wonderful visit!!  not only did i find out that i have actually lost 3 pounds since i was last there (4 weeks ago) thanks to my 4 weeks of nausea and indigestion but we were blessed with the opportunity to hear your tiny heart beating!  160 beats per minute and it was such a beautiful sound.  your littlest big brothers were there with us and when i looked over at them once the doctor found your heart beat, it took everything in me not to burst into tears!  even your brothers looked totally amazed at what they were hearing! 

our doctor does feel 100% certain that there is only one of you growing in there, so that was a nice piece of mind! not that we would object to another set of twins, but knowing there is only one baby gives us a certain sense of peace.  it means that although we will be welcoming a new member into our family, other things wont have to change, like the kind of vehicle we drive or sleeping arrangements within our house!

with a party planned for this weekend and a houseful of guests on their way, i was overly excited to get the nursery cleaned up a bit today and get the brand new crib out of its box!  we really lucked out with our baby #4 planning and ended up with a nice handful of brand new baby gear.  when your brothers were nearly ready for their toddler beds, we were notified of a recall on the crib we had originally purchased, we acted on the recall and were given the ability to replace our crib for a very minimal cost!  so now you baby, get a brand new crib!  in addition to a brand new stroller because of defective parts in the one we had for matteo and vincenzo and even a new baby monitor, because the one we had prior to you came close to burning our house down!  what can i say, we are truly blessed and in so many ways God continues to have wonderful plans for us!

You, my little dear, are about an inch and a half long now - comparable in size to a fig! your teeth buds are starting to form and your bones are hardening.  your hands will soon be opening and closing to form tiny fists, which i am sure you will have no problem using to give me little jabs in the ribs as you get bigger!  although i still have at least 4-6 weeks before i can hope to really feel you moving in my belly! 

i am feeling a little bit better everyday and that in itself is a blessing!  the better i feel, the better i can care for the both of us and your brothers and even your dad. you will be entering this life into a wonderful loving family baby and we are all so excited to meet you!  keep growing, stay healthy and know that we all love every inch of you!

millions...

   ~mommy

waist = 35 inches

weight = 130lbs...according to the dr.'s office

10 weeks - almost there...

almost to the end of the first trimester that is!  crazy how quickly time is flying by!  although many of my days still seem to take an eternity because i am often not feeling well.  the nausea has subsided quite a bit, unless im having severe "other" issues, then that in itself makes my whole being not feel well.  so i sit here eating grapes, drinking water, hoping and praying that something, anything will help my body remember that it needs to take just as good care of itself as it does you!

many comments have been made lately in regards to the possibility that there could be more than one of you rapidly growing inside me!  although at 7 weeks, that didnt seem to be the case, i have to say until our next sonogram i am staying open minded to the idea!!  what a crazy blessing that would be, to be the mother of not one, but two sets of twins!  God sure would have my fully undivided attention after that!  i dont think i would be able to survive a second of multiples without him by my side!

and you my little baby, have been quite productive this week!!  you are nearly the size of a kumquat - about an inch or so in length from the top of your head to the end of your little bottom.  you weigh less than a quarter ounce and the most critical portion of your development is nearly complete!  from here on out you will just be growing and growing and growing! and your body will be figuring out how it works, how to use all its important parts, like your kidneys and your liver.  your fingers and toes arent webbed-like anymore.  you are starting to develop tiny little nails and some "peach"-fuzz is beginning to cover your soft sweet skin.  just a warning, if you are anything like your brothers were, that peach-fuzz wont be so peachy...it will be more like baby gorilla hair!  :)  your arms and legs are starting to bend and your head is about half the length of your body!  amazing, already you completely amaze me!

thankfully my uterus is apparently measuring about the size of a grapefruit this week.  knowing that makes me feel a little better about the fact that my clothes are shrinking and the maternity bin will be pulled out of the crawl space sooner than i expected!  i've definitely regained a bit of my energy and my appetite, both of which have their down sides. my moodswings seem to have calmed a bit too, now my crabby nights just seem normal, not hormone induced! 

a few more weeks and we will be blessed with the chance to see your tiny body and beating heart on the monitor and i cant wait!  a few more days and we should have a chance to hear your heart beating - just the thought makes my heart race a little!! 

i love you millions baby,

   ~ mommy

waist = 34 3/4 inches

weight =

9 weeks, in lifes whirlwind...

This has been in interesting week, from many aspects.  I am grateful to say that Tuesday was my first feel good day in nearly a month...the nausea seems to have subsided and i am HUNGRY!! i just want to eat, eat, eat!!  but...that only happened just in time for my number one least favorite pregnancy symptom to kick in - my "laid back" digestive system becomes extra lazy whenever i am with child and that is now my new reason for not feeling well.  so imagine, excessive eating + lazy intestines = a not so great feeling in my belly :(  but if it means my baby is growing and healthy, i will take whatever i have to.  in the whole jist of life - this is only a mere 7 more months of my life! (sense my optimism today?)

but on the happy side, it is nice to have a bit more of my energy back, some days, but more often than not.  my belly sure seems to be getting bigger by the day!  and i love it! i love seeing the outward signs of you growing inside me.  (i just ask one thing, be nice to my belly button, im not so sure how much more it can handle!)  its amazing to see how much i have grown on the outside, when on the inside you are only about an inch...the size of a grape!  your brothers love my comparing you to foods.  eating is a true passion of theirs, so to tell them you are the size of something they can relate to makes them pretty excited!

mashed potatoes has been a favorite food of ours this week...and the sour cream and onion pringles are still being craved - maybe i should satisfy that one, what do you think??  i also think i could eat a subway pizza with chicken, banana peppers, green peppers and hot sauce nearly everyday - but i wont, for both our sakes!

there have been a lot of life choices weighing heavily on my heart this past week or so, regarding my choice to work, financial choices...all sorts of big things that i look forward to watching God work through our life as we prepare for your birth!  the thoughts that have come along with the discovery of you have been so amazing baby. already you have changed my life by changing my heart.  i love you more and more everyday!

a few more weeks until i get to see your tiny figure on that black and white screen again, but until then i continue to follow your growth on the internets estimates....its amazing to me that at just 9 weeks, one inch in length you already have fully formed eyes, 4 chambers in your heart, arms with chubby little fingers, legs with little webbed toes.  nostrils, lips and earlobes...all such tiny miracles...all details of the work of Gods hands.

love you millions baby,
  ~ mommy

waist = 34 inches

weight = 129.8 lbs

8 weeks and the word is out!!

For weeks now, you have been daddy and I's little secret and little by little we were sharing tidbits of you with the people we were closest to - but that is no longer the case in more ways than one!  Not only has it become apparent to us and those that know us well enough that my belly is growing, but we have finally been able to share your presence with the world!! Seeing you heart beating last week gave us the confidence from God that we were seeking, a sign that all is as it should be, that you are with us for the long haul!  So the secret is out baby!!  And we are all so excited!

The size of a kidney bean and already you are BIG news!! as usual, you have been quite busy again this week, not only with keeping me "under the weather", but also with all you own little accomplishments.  Fingers and toes, eyelids, breathing tubes...those are all pretty exciting.  not to mention all the neurological developements going on in your brain!  You are an amazing little being.  Keep up the good work and i promise ill do my best too!

i love you millions baby

  ~mommy

waist = 34 inches

weight = 128.5 lbs



7 weeks and beating...

Today was an amazing day.  We had our first doctors appointment this afternoon and not only did you get a perfect bill of health, with right on time measurements...but we were also able to catch a quick glimpse of your tiny beating heart and your brothers were even there to witness it (although matteo and vincenzo seemed more concerned with their suckers!)

My dear baby, you are only about the size of a grain of rice and already we were able to watch your heart beating, at a crazy 129 beats per minute!  that is just amazing...an amazing sign of God's work.  He is ever so carefully knitting you in my womb.  He knows just how many hairs you will have on your head and what color your beautiful eyes will be.  You are fearfully and wonderfully being  created, a true masterpiece at the work of God's hands!

Your tenative birthdate as of today is June 1st, although I'm sure that will change more than once between now and then!  Your tiny little hands and feet are starting to bulge out of the sides of your little body this week, as well as the development of your eyelids and button nose!  Veins are starting to form, so that little heart i saw beating has somewhere to pump your blood through!  And even more exciting for you, your umbilical cord is forming this week...which means you will start "eating" every meal with me pretty soon!  (Dont worry, i wont have any problem eating enough for us both!  well, assuming that maybe these bouts of nausea go away soon!)

Word is starting to spread a little bit more - once Nonna got the precious news that your heart was beating, she asked permission to tell all of your "aunties" at her office.  i can only imagine how excited they must all be for your future arrival!  they spoil your brothers quite a bit when they go in for a visit!!  Tuscan also had to tell his sunday school class this week "God put a baby in my mommy's belly when she was sleeping and now i am going to have a new baby!" 

Me: "Tusc, you werent supposed to tell anyone!"

Tuscan: "Mom, i know, i was just too excited to keep it a secret!!"

oh how i love that boy!!

He is also pushing the issue that we get your crib set up, ASAP!  he is worse than i am with the whole organization, get everything ready to go attitude! but he wants to be prepared!

We bought you your first two packages of diapers today - just to use up some great coupons!!  baby you have no idea how different the life of your family is going to be compared to the life we were living when your brothers were born.  It just makes me so grateful that we have gotten to the place we are at before any of you were old enough to know that way it used to be!  God has blessed our lives in millions of ways over the last few years and you are the ultimate reward!  We are just so grateful for everything and so excited to be able to share it all with you!!

stay well baby and grow big!

i love you millions,

mommy

week 7

waist = 34 inches

weight = 128.5 lbs